What kind of a man knows Rain Man

So Sam's hearing got better.

For a week or so, it was so nice to not have to shout everything.

And now, since he's had the cold in the last week, his hearing has gone down again.

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I watched Rain Man for the first time last night. (My wife fell asleep during our "date night". Yeah, we don't have  real exciting dates much these days, especially when she's preggers.)

The story starts out an estranged son Charlie (Cruise) discovers he has an autistic brother Raymond (Hoffman) after their father's death. The story unfolds as Charlie 'kidnaps' Raymond in order to get his share of the $3M inheritance. 

It was confronting to see how we treat people with disabilities in such a cruel and dismissive way.

In some ways, the autistic brother, Raymond, is much more gifted than Charlie is.

Also, I was uncomfortable seeing the frustration that Charlie showed to Raymond, who has these needs he cannot articulate. He has routines, and they result in quite specific requests:

Raymond: 12:30 is lunch. 

Charlie: What do you want? 

Raymond: Wednesday is fish sticks. Green lime jello for dessert. 

Charlie: You want another apple juice? 

Raymond: No, orange soda. Uh oh, it’s 12:31.

I was incredibly frustrated with Charlie's character at the start. What a self centred, impatient prick he was!

Susanna: You use me, you use Raymond, you use everybody. 

Charlie: Using Raymond? Hey Raymond, am I using you? Am I using you Raymond?Raymond: Yeah. 

Charlie: Shut up! He is answering a question from a half hour ago!

If you have been reading my blog for a while you would guess what I might say next...

It was not long into the movie before I got that sinking feeling. I am so often like Charlie. Short. Impatient. Self centred. In a hurry to get somewhere.

On a bad day, I realise I can fail to listen to Sam's needs. I think he's disabled in almost everyday when compared to me or others around me, an adult, and forget that he is probably much more gifted in many other ways. Like being happy. Being creative. Not seeing limits. Not having negative thoughts. 

All this comes from arrogance and ignorance.

Having Sam have a temporary disability like hearing degradation is good for me. And it has been good for me to learn to be gracious, to be kind, to empathise.

Here's an example when Charlie lost his temper with Raymond and pulled Raymond's head. 

Now imagine if your child kept a list like that. What if involuntarily, subconsciously, they did? Or someone did?

Charlie: What are you writing? What is this? “Serious Injury List”? Serious injury list? Are you kidding me? 

Raymond: Number eighteen in 1988, Charlie Babbitt squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck in 1988. 

Charlie: Squeezed and pulled and hurt your neck in 1988?