I got worms

Before two weeks ago, Sam would not touch worms. 

He just would not. No matter how much I insisted.

We went camping with our best friends and their kids over that stinking hot 41'C weekend.  

The mums found worms out of the grass, by the tap. 

So they gave them to our children to play. 

And here they are, holding and talking about worms. 

Wow!

Unfortunately I was too busy screwing around trying to put up the tents and didn't notice how the mums did this. They made it look so easy. 

Not daring anyone. 

Not forcing anyone.

Just pick it up and talk about it. And let them choose to touch it or not.

I think that's how it goes. 

You can't brute force curiosity into young explorers (or anyone).  I learn this time and time again.

Did I mention we had spaghetti after that? The boys ate heaps.

I think the dishes were washed in the same water too. 

Camping is great for dads. And kids. Not great for sleep. Small price to pay.

Kinda impatient

So Sam has been using a few new words I've been trying to teach him.

Sam was excited we were going camping.
Sam knew it was kind share with Jimmy.
Sam learnt that daddy can be impatient* with him. I'm working on that. So far, each time I ask him to forgive me, he does.

They are far from being in his vocab. But he is beginning to know what they mean. I give plenty of examples.

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impatient*

So this evening, I parked the digital camera on the bed side table because Jimmy is having this moment with mummy, and I wanted to catch that on video.

Sam finishes his milk and I ask him to take the cups and put them on the bench. In doing so he knocks over the camera, and lands on the floor.

SAM!!!
I shout in distress.

Obviously knowing he did something that displeased me, he swings his arms as he calmly and light heartedly apologises, not knowing he is still holding cups with leftover milk in them

Sorry daddy.

SAM!!! Watch the milk!

The poor boy wanted to pee now. I know he did not need to pee. He wanted to get out of the situation. Who wouldn't.

I did find the balls to say sorry to Sam and how I was wrong to blame him. It didn't stick because he wanted to move on to read his bedtime story. Will try and talk to him more tomorrow. It's important for a man to know his shortcomings and to admit them.

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One thing I have been patient about is coming up with ideas for a book to my boys.

Whenever I've had arguments with my dad, I've thought about writing down a series of notes, titled "this is not how you connect with your kids".  I never got to composing those works.

This could be different though.

There is a growing circle of people around me who just might support me to write this.
Assuming I only have boys, and that I might have more kids who are boys, or that I might not have any more kids, it will be called something simple like, "Be A Man".

Sort of like "Fakts" for those who watched Harvey Krumpet. But more fundamentally useful. 

Here's a fairly young bloke who have started to figure things out. Not bad for a 28 year old Alden.

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-be-a-real-man/

Heck I'm still figuring that stuff out. 

2) I still find it natural (and easier!) to blame people for my screw ups.

3) I'm getting better at being on time but I do like to milk that last minute...

7) How to relax... Sigh.

The point here is - a lot of things in the book are by no means mastered by the author, but my hope is in the process of writing, the author has a better chance at mastery.

They say EQ is just as important as IQ.

Sam can now name all the planets.
Ok, he needs help with the first letters for Mars and Neptune.

That experiment worked quite well. Overall I have been encouraged by how much Sam responded to the different ways we explored Space and Rockets.


--------------------
Today we read a book about 'feelings'. Sam knows three quite well:
happy, sad and angry.

In the next few weeks I'm going to try and work on showing him
jealous, kind, patient, impatient, contented, anxious

Though these are not all 'feelings', the extra vocabulary should save him and his parents some frustration down the track.

Here goes. Do keep me accountable.



You can comment you know.
Don't all rush now...
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Authoritative lobsters

I don't know if it was my sore shoulder, a long weekend with things to do or stress about looking for work.

For some reason I found my self quite grumpy. My authoritarian side took over without me really wanting to.

Some Background

According to Prof Vishton, there are three broad categories of disciplining.

1. Authoritarian
2. Permissive
3. Authoritative

An authoritarian parent often thinks or says, "Do what I say because I told you." and "Do it now." (!)

A permissive parent does not say much or do much until the kid is about to kill himself.

An authoritative parent tents to give reasons to the child along with the instructions.

According to research, authoritative discipline styles tends to produce the least amount of questionable behaviour in the teen years.

So I have been aiming to go authoritative.

Back to being grumpy.

So we had to run around a bit this weekend. Jimmy had his second birthday, and we were invited to a few events with our extended family and friends. I found myself being short of time. And when I am short of time I have no time to give reasons.

Not to someone who asks 40-100 "Why" questions a day.

I caught myself barking instructions to Sam on a number of occasions.

Stand still.

Wear your shirt.

Put on your shoes.

Rub in sunscreen.

Get in the car.

I would say I have natural tendency to take on the authoritarian style of parenting. It seems more efficient. And often I think, kids need to learn to obey. And follow instructions. Yeah. And kids need to honour their parents, so that it may go well with them and that they may live long in the land (Ephesians 6 says). That's what I tell myself.

But lately I have been thinking that fast is actually slow. And slow is actually better. 

Lobsters in the restaurant

With the help of my wife I stopped and reflected on my grump in the couple of hours between events today.

This reflection proved to be handy over dinner.

We were out at a chinese restaurant to celebrate Jimmy's birthday.

Sam had finished his dinner and was keen to look at some lobsters. He is always excited to see them, and went on to shout across the restaurant to me. Over a couple sitting in the middle.

"Daddy, daddy, can I show you something?"

"Daddy, come here!"

I said,

"Shoosh! This couple is on a date. And you've just made the man put the ring back in the box!"

Actually, I explained to him that the man and lady wanted a quiet dinner. And they cannot do that if Sam was shouting loud. I finished my dinner earlier and walked with him to check out the lobsters. No sweat. No showdown.

I took him outside and had a little run around. We were noisy. And then I showed him quiet. And then we went back inside.

It's much easier to get short term compliance by saying do this. Don't ask why.

But long term kids need to know why. They are curious to learn about the world. 

And they need to understand the relationship between what they do and how that impacts on other people. 

Who is the pupil?

I've been looking forward to sitting down and blogging.
Work was such a drag compared to my weekend at home with the boys. I missed them lots.
There's so much to learn and master at home, but work seems stagnant and mundane.

When I got home from work, Sam today started the conversation by telling me the first planet is Mercury. Then Venus. Then "Errth". He didn't get Mars. He was quick to get Jupiter and Saturn though. Looks like our diagram has been helping him remember.

At this stage I have not focused too much on the last two planets. We briefly touched on these the other day.

I struggled to convincingly teach the boy how to say, Uranus. I taught him the more controversial version which sounds less restrained and uptight (imho). When I did this, Sam quickly ran to his Thomas the Tank Engine boxed set of small books. He searched and searched. And I was left wondering why.

He found the red book on Rheneas. "Like this one, daddy!" he said.

I realised that day how little he depended on visual phonetics. Most of the things Sam learns is by listening and recalling sounds.

How amazing that kids can hear a sound a couple of times and replicate it with such precision. And to have the courage to say it wrong, over and over. They are so naturally "whole-hearted".

For many reasons, including this one, I begin to think we have at least as much to learn from kids as they have to learn from us.

Experimenting on my kids - getting excited

I normally get pretty excited when I meet people who like the things I like.

I got really excited when I found out that Sam loves space. Rockets. Planets.

If I haven't told you I'm into this stuff - I am into rockets. I made my own sparkler rocket in Yr 7. The whole grade got excited cause I got them out of class. The teachers hand them lined up on the oval for my homemade rocket launch.

I wish I had a photo to show you. Mz Kilminster or Mrs Quade, if you are reading this, would you send me that photo?

When I went to the United States in 2008 I got to check out the Kennedy Space Centre in Florida:

From the telescope at the closest observation deck. I would just miss a shuttle launch... by a few weeks so I couldn't stay.

That Saturn V rocket is massive

Been talking with blokes at work about education - and I've been feeling more and more responsible for the raising of my children. Heck if that's my job then I'd better learn to be good at it.

I've been reading from Dan Pink's "Drive", "Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids Who Thrive" and that Sir Ken talk. The big idea that joins all this is: how to cultivate people's intrinsic drive to learn. This is the most effective and long term method to develop people who can think outside of the box and who are most likely to excel. Especially kids:  Keep it fun. Keep it interactive so it sticks.








So I decided to experiment on Sam.






Hypothesis

1. It is possible to intrinsic interest in Sam, in a short time using relatively simple techniques and tools available around the home.
2. A by product of this interest is retained knowledge and further desire for knowledge acquisition in the area.

Process
So for a week or so I've been laying it on thick.

1. I used an old gift voucher at a little book store. Found a $8 book about a rocket trying to find a nice place to live. Ok, the planets are not exactly in the right order but he loves that book. We have already lost the cardboard rocket that came with the book.
2. I played Sam this video of the space shuttle launch and this Space X grasshopper. He had so many questions like, "Why there's ice?" and "Why it lands on the ocean?"
3. On Saturday (for our weekly adventure) we took the boys to the Planetarium. Sam got to see model rockets, and he could name Earth, Saturn and Mercury (with a bit of help). 
4. I repainted the blackboard next to the kitchen (it was a job left from at least a year ago) and the first thing I put on that was... the solar system, sort of to scale. Alright, the sun is way too small. 
5. Sam went out and we found some asteroids. These are little rocks we could blu-tack onto the board. 4 was enough - but Sam wanted more.
6. I dug out a relic from my childhood "treasure box". In this box I keep all my good toys that I would hand down to my kids, and bring out bits as they are ready. I got out the space shuttle. This thing has wheels and it goes forward until it finds an edge, and then a hidden wheel at the bottom spins the shuttle to the right so it does not fall off the edge. Ingenious! Any way Sam got the shuttle for being a good listener. It was a hit.
7. I took out a remote controlled Lamborghini Aventador we got from China. Ok, not related to space but it was so fun.

See the asteroids? They have not fallen off yet.

Hanging out with the Russian who set up the cosmoneaughts.

My old relic of a space shuttle.

Conclusions:
Too early to tell?

I'm so looking forward to more rockets and space. Oh and Sam is too.








Have you got any ideas for me to try? Feel free to send me an email or add a comment.