Switching modes

Nobody likes to be interrupted.
Particularly me.

Once I start something, I find it hard to put something down.

I recall once when I joined my mates in hunt for scrap copper after school one day. We were going to sell it at the markets and make enough money to buy gunpowder.

Yes, this was China in the 1980s.

It was dark when I got home. I got a big smack for not telling my parents where I was.
For some reason the thought of interrupting my adventure to tell my parents my whereabouts - it did not cross my mind.

---

Often I'd ask Sam to stop what he's doing and listen to me.
Sometimes, he wouldn't hear me at all.
Sometimes, I hold back my dissatisfaction. That my child shows his father so much contempt. An instruction has been issued!

Sometimes, I don't.
I raise my voice.
Or worse, I get angry at my little man.

At the end of a long day it's possible to forget the world does not revolve around me.
It's not hard to turn a desire for my sons to be obedient, into a story about me and my needs.

I am well capable of it.

To tame the savageness of man

Some hailed this the greatest speech of all time.

No, not about his own dream.
No, not about going to the moon.
No, not about a new phone.

It's about how we move forward when dark forces pull us backwards.

Some days ago in Australia, we too saw a display of force. Against injustice. We saw a divide in our peoples.

To reclaim Australia?

On our streets our people showed this "savageness of man", to protest savagery and other injustices, at times with savagery.

Before today I have not seen this clip. Here are my immediate reflections:

1. Oh have we got something to learn about history?
2. True leadership comes at a great cost
3. Where is a leader like that, for our country? Please stand up.

What does this speech do for you?

Sammy and the shell

Stradbroke Christmas 2013

Sammy was scared of the crabs. He had it in his mind that they have claws. And they could nip him real bad.

Totally emotional response. Totally not founded on fact, right?

Caloundra 2015

Sammy was still scared of the crabs.

And then, Sammy was not scared anymore.

I don't know exactly what changed.

Was it the amount of these we found together around the rocks?

Was it how these hermit crabs were smaller than the other ones?

Was it that I casually caught them, and these critters were so timid they hid in their shells?

Apparently according to Kerry Spackman, some parts of our brains wire up at different speeds.
The part of our brain capable of emotion and movement get wired in first. And then in later years, the frontal cortex wire in later.

So if a child is particularly emotional at the time, they may associate a particular negative event with something else totally unrelated.

Given the severity or stickiness of that emotion, the experience may be burnt into a child's mind, well into adulthood in some cases.

This is a reminder to me as a parent to not thrust our logical understanding of the world and expect the child to perceive it in the same way.

How isolated and confused must Sam have been when I told him to "Harden up! It won't bite!" all those times.

Sorry Sam.

What's got more energy (Part II)

So I promised to write about me going to Sam's kindy.

Sam was so happy to have me there.

He helped me pass around the props. 

He had lots of questions. So many that I encouraged him to ask me afterwards.

He liked me sitting at the table with his best friends.

We ate raw broccoli, carrots and snap peas. Yup.

As for the presentation - well, I did it. Yup, kept their attention for 45min! Yeah, I wound up my talk when the kids started yawning.

Maybe they didn't remember that oil was a form of energy. Maybe they couldn't explain why the sun had E=mc2 next to it. Maybe they won't understand why the motor related to energy. Maybe they won't remember why they should recycle. 

It doesn't matter. Sam's dad showed up. He gave us green balloons. 

And the kids remembered not to touch the power outlets. 

Job done.

---

Man what I'd give to be back in that room when the kids are singing and laughing during music. 

The world is so big to them. 

Children, Growing Up and the Climate

Was talking to another dad today about our kids, and the power that their friends have on them.

So who influences the peers of our friends?

Shall we blame the media? Schools? Government? Movies? Other parents?

Is it like the resolutions on Climate Change. Most agree that something needs to be done. Yet we wait for someone to do something first.

---

I've been reading a great book.
Actually, I've started reading a great book. Like most things I do, I tend not to finish them.

It's called, Growing Yourself Up.

The main idea I've picked up so far is a systems view of relationships. Duh(!) you say, relationships require someone to relate to.

Yet how often does our model of understanding simplify a conflict or an exchange to simply us and them. Or, even simply about ME.

It's very easy to blame others, and neglect the idea that waves bounce back and forth from us and towards us. Do we stir up the wave? Or does it stop with us?

I remember a time when I was getting up Sam for not putting away the toys. He was around two and a half. He had been dawdling and playing, quite ignorant of his duties. When he eventually obliged, he first thing he grabbed an object that was on the floor.

He came to me and said innocently, "Where does this go Daddy?"

It was my shirt.


Now if you're married, I wonder if you have ever wondered,
"Why won't my spouse ... A/B/C"

A = be the first to apologise
B = think about my needs
C = get out of the bed to stop the crying

----

Peas and watermelons

For a long time Sam did not draw or paint.

Jenn and I were starting to get worried that our boy was too much of a neak freak, and this was holding him back from being creative. Some parents let their kids make a huge mess during dinner. Most of the time we'd encourage Sam to be neat. Occasionally I might get up Sam for dripping tomato sauce on his shirt.

Sam has a great eating posture. Except sitting straight up means he's not eating and dripping over his bowl.

Jenn recalls when Sam first started Kindy last year, he would touch the paint with his fingers, and then decide it was too much for him. 

For some reason, in the last two weeks, Sam started to enjoy painting.

I see symmetry. I see balance. I see structure. I see colour. 

And then last week, this came out of the blue. Blew me out of the water. Assymetry. Bleeding. Overlapping. 

As a dad, this moment is a bit like planting peas, watching them grow and finding out you might have watermelons.

The end, or the beginning

So this is the first time I've told you in this blog that I work at an oil refinery. This may be the last time you hear me use present tense.

Unfortunately the refinery is closing down.
This weekend we begin shutting down the rest of the main processing units for the last time.
It will be turned into an oil terminal. If you have not heard about it here it is. 

Lots of really good people will lose their jobs come 1st of July. They are great at what they do and they are great people to work with. All these years of work that these people have devoted to the place, the hundreds of millions of dollars, will be turned into scrap metal. Just like in the Ariely experiment,  some people feel a bit deflated at present.

I heard on Triple J this morning a line that stuck: (this is what I remember anyway)

Life is like photos, you develop it from the negatives.

Needs a bit of revision now that we're in the digital era. But this reminds me of the classical stuff from Romans 5.

The prospect of being out of work, then job hunting, knocked back for a kickass job, then more job hunting - all this takes a toll on you. In hindsight, NOT getting what I wanted first time has been immensely good for me. 

First, it made me realise how much a job meant to me.
Second, it made me go and chase the bone a lot more.
Third, probably most importantly, it did good to break down my pride.
Fourth, the past year has made me appreciate how awesome this job has been, and why I've enjoyed working here.

Working at the refinery as and engineer has been the most kick ass job I've ever had. I've had opportunities to travel. To learn from people from across the world. To try new ideas. To see ideas come to life. To tweak and to play. 

(Yes, I've only had one real job really. But talking to lots of people I've had it real good for so long.)


---

If you are a parent, and your kid asks about what a refinery looks like, take a look at this video that my mate made.

A bit like Ender Wiggins and the buggers, I feel it's my duty to tell the universe about the story of this refinery.