A convo between Daddy and Jimmy on the way back from Springfield Parklands.
Bats fly across scene left as dusk develops further into night.
Dad: Look at those bats. I wonder if batman is flying up there?
Sam: What? Batman?
Jimmy: No, no. There are no superheros dad.
Dad: What do you mean there are no superheros? Who told you?
Jimmy: I just know.
And that's all I got out of the little man.
Everybody needs a hero.
Tuesday 31 January 2017
Tuesday 24 January 2017
To listen without judgement
It takes great effort to listen without judgement.
- What does it take?
- Do you arc up and be defensive?
- Do you look to justify why it was so?
Listening without judgement comes with great difficulty.
But I have been blessed to have come across a great bunch of people who have modelled listening.- Bill taught me to carry out incident investigations
- Bill has a quiet, respectful and inquisitive demeanour.
- Bill disarms the aggressor by the way he listens without judgement.
- Humbly observing, Bill seeks to improve his understanding of the situation, rather than trying to take control of that person's view point.
I'd appreciate your comments and the convos to follow.
Sunday 22 January 2017
Finding the Mimo
For a number of reasons, our #3, Naomi, has a number of pet names.
Yup.
Yes, you might call it glamping (glamorous camping).
No noisy neighbours with generators.
No awkward showers.
Short walk to the dunny.
Anyway, one of the things we also did was set up an outdoor cinema.
Borrowing a projector, we tied up a bed sheet to our carport.
We invited some friends over for an outdoor cinema.
That day, Christmas eve eve, I was working most of the day but was able to get home a little earlier.
When I got in the door, Sam ran up to me excitedly.
Obviously mummy told him about it.
The best place for the Mimo was in bed.
Her real bed.
- Mimi.
- Nomi.
- Mimi the noosh.
- Mimo.
Yup.
Yes, you might call it glamping (glamorous camping).
No noisy neighbours with generators.
No awkward showers.
Short walk to the dunny.
Anyway, one of the things we also did was set up an outdoor cinema.
Borrowing a projector, we tied up a bed sheet to our carport.
We invited some friends over for an outdoor cinema.
That day, Christmas eve eve, I was working most of the day but was able to get home a little earlier.
When I got in the door, Sam ran up to me excitedly.
Obviously mummy told him about it.
"Dad! Dad! We're watching a movie tonight!"
What movie was that, Sam?
"It's called Finding the Mimo!"
The best place for the Mimo was in bed.
Her real bed.
Wednesday 18 January 2017
Deep Down, It Is the Same Thing
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to receive negative feedback.
It doesn't really matter if it is "constructive".
It really punches me in the guts when I hear I've not done something well.
Particularly if I've tried hard at doing that something well.
It happened at work, when Mark told me how he noticed a routine job was not done quite right. Year after year, the job was not done the way it should be done. He raised it and to him, to do it the "right way" was brushed off as being too hard.
Luckily, I wasn't the one who had the difficult task of not addressing his concerns (for one reason or another. But I can imagine that would not have been encouraging for Mark who felt brushed off, who wanted to do things right.
It happened at home, when my wife told me how I am lacking in doing certain chores.
It is a great thing for Jenn to want jobs to go well around the house. I want that too, most of the time.
It was very tempting to brush her off and go on about how I don't get the recognition I deserve.
I can recall countless times where I've gone defensive - and it led to in a near WWIII event.
Listening without judgement.
At work.
At home.
At dinner time.
At bath time with the kids.
We secretly expect our managers and leaders to be able to attain this kind of broad shoulders listening.
But we rarely encourage them when they do.
But we rarely pursue it ourselves.
This takes immense amount of maturity and work.
And many failures.
Like most things, all good endeavours are hard.
Who else is seeing this at home or at work?
I'd be keen to hear of your journey, or if you've embarked on that journey.
-------------
In a part of my job, I get paid to chew on this stuff.
I get training and lots of on the job experience to hone this in.
And it's so good and useful that I really should be sharing this stuff.
As an incident investigator I get to look into an incident and find out what went wrong - e.g. person rolls their ankle or equipment fails catastrophically.
I dig in deep and try to clearly articulate the root cause.
On the surface the issue is the technical bit that broke or the person who deviated from the accepted norm. A good investigation rarely blames the bit.
I write a report and the company tries to fix the problem based on my recommendations.
Almost always, the root cause points back to something that relates to how the manager(s) do their job. Often, when multiple parties are involved, the managers failed to failing to communicate to the teams or to promote the right kind of communication between the parties. Or when problems are glaringly obvious, they are not addressed because managers don't listen.
See the Deepwater Horizon Movie for a fine example of not listening to your frontline people.
On the surface (pun intended) it is about an oil rig.
Deep down it is about encouraging people to speak up.
And to listen. And then to do something to address their concerns.
------------
I have been reading this book btw - awesome.
It doesn't really matter if it is "constructive".
It really punches me in the guts when I hear I've not done something well.
Particularly if I've tried hard at doing that something well.
It happened at work, when Mark told me how he noticed a routine job was not done quite right. Year after year, the job was not done the way it should be done. He raised it and to him, to do it the "right way" was brushed off as being too hard.
Luckily, I wasn't the one who had the difficult task of not addressing his concerns (for one reason or another. But I can imagine that would not have been encouraging for Mark who felt brushed off, who wanted to do things right.
It happened at home, when my wife told me how I am lacking in doing certain chores.
It is a great thing for Jenn to want jobs to go well around the house. I want that too, most of the time.
It was very tempting to brush her off and go on about how I don't get the recognition I deserve.
I can recall countless times where I've gone defensive - and it led to in a near WWIII event.
Listening without judgement.
At work.
At home.
At dinner time.
At bath time with the kids.
We secretly expect our managers and leaders to be able to attain this kind of broad shoulders listening.
But we rarely encourage them when they do.
But we rarely pursue it ourselves.
This takes immense amount of maturity and work.
And many failures.
Like most things, all good endeavours are hard.
Who else is seeing this at home or at work?
I'd be keen to hear of your journey, or if you've embarked on that journey.
-------------
In a part of my job, I get paid to chew on this stuff.
I get training and lots of on the job experience to hone this in.
And it's so good and useful that I really should be sharing this stuff.
What? I thought you were an engineer?Yes, I am also a part time investigator.
As an incident investigator I get to look into an incident and find out what went wrong - e.g. person rolls their ankle or equipment fails catastrophically.
I dig in deep and try to clearly articulate the root cause.
On the surface the issue is the technical bit that broke or the person who deviated from the accepted norm. A good investigation rarely blames the bit.
I write a report and the company tries to fix the problem based on my recommendations.
Almost always, the root cause points back to something that relates to how the manager(s) do their job. Often, when multiple parties are involved, the managers failed to failing to communicate to the teams or to promote the right kind of communication between the parties. Or when problems are glaringly obvious, they are not addressed because managers don't listen.
See the Deepwater Horizon Movie for a fine example of not listening to your frontline people.
On the surface (pun intended) it is about an oil rig.
Deep down it is about encouraging people to speak up.
And to listen. And then to do something to address their concerns.
------------
I have been reading this book btw - awesome.
Monday 16 January 2017
Why I am Going Raw Wholesome Organic... Media
Don't call me hippie.
I'm not advocating consuming overpriced organic fruit and veg.
I am advocating for you to think about whether you are consuming raw, wholesome organic media.
I recall the controversy of Big Brother when it came out.
Thankfully I was quite young and didn't see the Big deal and laughed at it and anyone else who watched it.
People were disgusted that you could watch someone's every move.
And then we realised "reality TV" was not reality.
It took me a while to articulate this realisation that another dud, has been flying below my radar for such a long time.
Much of our world is driven by discontentment.
That's how we're groomed to buy, to sign up, to yearn for the next product.
We laugh at the glossy magazines, a dying publishing industry.
But then we're sold another dud. It was right under our noses.
Facebook.
(substitute Instagram... et al here.)
I was, and still am one of them. It's a habit thing that comes from deep within our hearts.
And we too, fall into the trap of being on Big Brother.
Screaming "Look at me!" like millions of others.
Also screaming "Don't look at me!" whilst being offended at how our privacy is breached.
Social media sends the message that everyone else is living perfect lives when I am not.
So I must also take that overseas holiday. And then take selfies with my beautiful children, who by the way are sporting the latest toys and clothes.
Just like Big Brother, Who Weekly, those pictures hardly represents the real person portrayed. The real struggles of getting through to the end of the day are not shown. The warts of difficult conversations are not had in social media (hopefully). We airbrush out the pimples, tuck in the fat and hold it for long enough to take the selfie. Metaphorically speaking. It's not that my asian metabolism allow me to have any residual fat.
Just like the packaging of the freezer meals, on the outside we live like an appetising, steaming hot roast lamb leg and vegetable complete.
On the inside we are probably more like a shrivelled zucchini, longing be really appreciated and garnished alongside some exotic roast meat on Master Chef.
When I was going through depression and anxiety, I realised first hand that it is possible at some stage of life, for a man to commit his life to follow Jesus, and feel utterly inadequate in all respects of his manhood.
If you're interested or if it is relevant, more on that to come in later posts. Hold me to it please.
I've done a good job putting it off til now.
So we all know, to really break out of poor physical health you need good diet with the accompanying exercise, plus some good people to keep you accountable.
Well, what is the equivalent good diet and exercise and accountability for the mind?
Are you only consuming fast, junk, sometime foods?
It might not be the greatest for your heart or your mind.
Thank you to my friend Josh who posted this on Facebook. You got me thinking. And then the dots just lined up.
Thank you to my wife Jenn. You reminded me of all the pressure you are facing as a wife, a mum and a follower of Jesus.
Thank you to my friend B who reminded me of how much I have it all together lately.
You have to know that my life is far from it.
I'm not advocating consuming overpriced organic fruit and veg.
I am advocating for you to think about whether you are consuming raw, wholesome organic media.
I recall the controversy of Big Brother when it came out.
Thankfully I was quite young and didn't see the Big deal and laughed at it and anyone else who watched it.
People were disgusted that you could watch someone's every move.
And then we realised "reality TV" was not reality.
It took me a while to articulate this realisation that another dud, has been flying below my radar for such a long time.
Much of our world is driven by discontentment.
That's how we're groomed to buy, to sign up, to yearn for the next product.
We laugh at the glossy magazines, a dying publishing industry.
But then we're sold another dud. It was right under our noses.
Facebook.
(substitute Instagram... et al here.)
I was, and still am one of them. It's a habit thing that comes from deep within our hearts.
And we too, fall into the trap of being on Big Brother.
Screaming "Look at me!" like millions of others.
Also screaming "Don't look at me!" whilst being offended at how our privacy is breached.
Social media sends the message that everyone else is living perfect lives when I am not.
So I must also take that overseas holiday. And then take selfies with my beautiful children, who by the way are sporting the latest toys and clothes.
Just like Big Brother, Who Weekly, those pictures hardly represents the real person portrayed. The real struggles of getting through to the end of the day are not shown. The warts of difficult conversations are not had in social media (hopefully). We airbrush out the pimples, tuck in the fat and hold it for long enough to take the selfie. Metaphorically speaking. It's not that my asian metabolism allow me to have any residual fat.
Just like the packaging of the freezer meals, on the outside we live like an appetising, steaming hot roast lamb leg and vegetable complete.
On the inside we are probably more like a shrivelled zucchini, longing be really appreciated and garnished alongside some exotic roast meat on Master Chef.
When I was going through depression and anxiety, I realised first hand that it is possible at some stage of life, for a man to commit his life to follow Jesus, and feel utterly inadequate in all respects of his manhood.
If you're interested or if it is relevant, more on that to come in later posts. Hold me to it please.
I've done a good job putting it off til now.
So we all know, to really break out of poor physical health you need good diet with the accompanying exercise, plus some good people to keep you accountable.
Well, what is the equivalent good diet and exercise and accountability for the mind?
Are you only consuming fast, junk, sometime foods?
It might not be the greatest for your heart or your mind.
For me, I'm going organic.
Yes, it's going to be hard.
Yes, it's going to cost me.
Yes, I am going to pay the price.
---------------------
Thank you to my friend Josh who posted this on Facebook. You got me thinking. And then the dots just lined up.
Thank you to my wife Jenn. You reminded me of all the pressure you are facing as a wife, a mum and a follower of Jesus.
Thank you to my friend B who reminded me of how much I have it all together lately.
You have to know that my life is far from it.
I've got a great idea for a blog
One of the things I noticed is how easy it is to forget a good blog.
I was whipper snipping the hedges yesterday, and great ideas usually come when I'm in the yard.
I came up with a great idea for a blog.
It seemed so obvious. So good.
What do I mean by good? I look for blog ideas that
I was whipper snipping the hedges yesterday, and great ideas usually come when I'm in the yard.
I came up with a great idea for a blog.
It seemed so obvious. So good.
What do I mean by good? I look for blog ideas that
- interest you
- might be of interest to my children (later on)
- that might generate discussion away from the inter web
- prompt people to think a little more about a topic
- might encourage more workingonit mums or dads doing it tough
But I am sorry to say on this occasion I lost that thought.
I am hopeful it will come back next time I am outside in the yard.
Thursday 5 January 2017
Sam's Occupation - Part 2, Who's in Charge
Who is in Charge?
So I learnt recently that I am not in charge of the world.I am in charge of very few things.
And even the things I am in charge of, seldom bow down to my authority. Such as...
- The weeds. Sigh.
- My kids
Sam's OT, her name is Kat as you may recall, prepared a story for me to read to Sam.
In this story, Sam learns that
- Who is in charge at school and at home, and why they are in charge (teacher, principal, parents)
- it's ok to not have the best idea
- it's important to focus (and why)
But it should be a hit because:
- Kids love to hear stories. Adults also love to hear stories. Much more than lectures or mere powerpoint slides!
- Sam has a strong desire to know why he ought to do something, before he does it.
- That's good! I remind myself, after Sam asks the 134th "Why?" question of the day. It is indeed consistent with Simon Sinek's talk here. And I should embrace it. it would be difficult to have a child simply do it because someone in charge told him to.
- As a believer and follower of Jesus, I know that God doesn't simply tell us what to do. He tells us why. Story after story after story he reminds his people to stay true to him like he has been to them. To God, it was so important his people knew why, he made sure it was written down. So it shouldn't annoy me.
- Sam finds it hard to filter out distractions -
- That's okay. I remind myself.
- He's just like his dad.
- I seldom like having to choose between two simultaneous engaging conversations happening around me. I want to be in both. If you catch me being a poor listener when we speak, I'm having a fit deciding/focusing/committing. Comes with maturity(and age) and practice, I hope.
- Sam finds it hard to fail.
- In fact, if he has a chance to fail or prospect of not choosing the "best" idea, he'd rather not start.
- I hate failing. It's taken me the best part of 9 months just to start talking about things I'm not good at, and embracing the fact that I can't be good at many things. e.g. coding. And I have to rely on others to help me. And I don't do big DIY jobs around the house myself because it'd take me longer, and I'd stuff it up, and I'd probably look like a fool.
- So this year I'm aiming to fail at a few things. Blog post on its way.
And the book, how will Sam receive it?
Will keep you posted.I've also yet to receive the detailed report from Kat so... until then,
You'll have to wait for the trilogy to be completed.
Monday 2 January 2017
Wii Confess...
Dear Sam and James,
I was moved when Sam told me that day after Christmas, that you loved me very much.
You told me you knew we loved you because we bought you a Wii.
That moved me so much.
I know Jimmy felt the same, but didn't have the vocabulary to express it in the same way.
But I have a confession to make.
Well, the truth is, Sam and Jimmy, we played it before we gave it to you.
By the time you read this I hope you will see how parenting is about compromises. And that your parents are doing the best they could to give you the most enriching childhood.
We had to make sure it worked.
It was second hand (Remember you're not just Chinese, you're Aussie too, and it's ok to have second hand stuff). Wii u would have been too complicated for you.
And then we played it again to make sure it was reliable.
And then we played it to make sure the driving function worked for Mario Kart. We both agreed it was at a level you can pick up easily.
And then we played it to make sure Super Mario Brothers was not too hard for you. And it was. Alas it will be a few good months or a year before you can play it.
We foresee that in the near future you will need additional variety in the form of Mario Galaxy 2.
In the mean time we'll be sure to buy it and road test it to learn how to best support you both in that.
And also we will work on getting friends over to test out the 4 player functionality in Smash Brothers so it is ready for your kids parties.
Love,
Your workingonit dad
PS. We have been checking it works every night to make sure it doesn't fail on you when you need it the most.
I was moved when Sam told me that day after Christmas, that you loved me very much.
You told me you knew we loved you because we bought you a Wii.
That moved me so much.
I know Jimmy felt the same, but didn't have the vocabulary to express it in the same way.
But I have a confession to make.
Well, the truth is, Sam and Jimmy, we played it before we gave it to you.
By the time you read this I hope you will see how parenting is about compromises. And that your parents are doing the best they could to give you the most enriching childhood.
We had to make sure it worked.
It was second hand (Remember you're not just Chinese, you're Aussie too, and it's ok to have second hand stuff). Wii u would have been too complicated for you.
And then we played it again to make sure it was reliable.
And then we played it to make sure the driving function worked for Mario Kart. We both agreed it was at a level you can pick up easily.
And then we played it to make sure Super Mario Brothers was not too hard for you. And it was. Alas it will be a few good months or a year before you can play it.
We foresee that in the near future you will need additional variety in the form of Mario Galaxy 2.
In the mean time we'll be sure to buy it and road test it to learn how to best support you both in that.
And also we will work on getting friends over to test out the 4 player functionality in Smash Brothers so it is ready for your kids parties.
Love,
Your workingonit dad
PS. We have been checking it works every night to make sure it doesn't fail on you when you need it the most.
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